I have just had a first experience that I don't ever care to have again. I had my first (and hopefully only, but I doubt it) kidney stone this morning. I went to bed last night feeling fine and thinking about all I had to do the next day and feel into a nice sleep, but it was interrupted at four in the morning when I woke up with this terrible pain in my back. I had no idea what it was, but I just wanted the pain to stop. I would lie down, sit up, walk around, anything to try to get the jabbing pain to go away. I don't like pain. It felt like someone was punching me in the back with brass knuckles and twisting, along with getting kicked in the balls. I started thinking about going to the emergency room, and even thinking what good drugs they might be able to give me to stop the pain. I wanted to pain to stop more than I cared about what was wrong with me. Did I mention I don't like pain? The pain wasn't going away. I went to the hospital. I had to do something. I was hurting. Fortunately I did not have to take anything, because very conveniently I passed the kidney stone in the urine sample they needed. The pain stopped. I felt good again. I never particularly wanted a kidney stone, and now I really, really don't want another one, and if I do I want to have a morphine drip nearby. I don't like pain.
I admit that I like go out of my way to avoid pain and keep myself comfortable. If I have even an inkling of a headache coming on I take some ibuprofen. If I get tired I take a break, and maybe get some coffee (something to do with that kidney stone perhaps?) I used to avoid confrontation with people, because it might be hurtful. I am getting better at that, but my tendency is still to avoid and run, or brush it under the rug. Confrontation is uncomfortable, and may be painful. I want my life to be painless and comfortable. I am not alone. It seems in our culture we have high expectations of comfort. And if something is painful, we get upset at God or even curse Him. We avoid pain as the worst possible outcome. We even trade hurt for indifference. Rather than feel pain we would rather feel nothing at all. Life is supposed to be comfortable.
God is incredible. The Creator God of the whole universe hurts. "And the Lord was sorry that He had made mankind on the earth, and it grieved Him to His heart." (Genesis 6:6), "Jesus wept." (John 11:35). But who God is is more incredibly seen on the cross. Jesus, God in the flesh, who could have avoided the terrible pain with only a word, stayed. Jesus knew that sin caused great pain, and he would have to go through great pain to break the curse. He stayed. He went through the agony that he so easily could have avoided. He loves us enough to endure great pain.
Great things are done much more through endured pain than avoidance. We often forget, or begrudgingly admit that most of our greatest learning and faith-building experiences happened during a time of pain. My salvation is because Jesus took on my hurt. He is with us when we hurt. And if the Lord Himself hurts, who are we to think that we should be above Him by not having to go through painful experiences. We grow more through enduring and taking on hurt than through avoiding it.
This morning I did pray that if there was something good that could be accomplished by my at that time unknown medical condition, that it would be done, and that I would have the strength to go through it glorifying God looking for how I could grow in Him. I don't know if any of that was accomplished, because on the other side I see it only as an inconvenience. If anything it gives me empathy for anyone who has kidney stones, including our preacher Cecil, who mentioned Sunday that he has one.
About Me
- Bluecanary
- I simply want to be God's servant, follow Him, and carry out His will. May this be my driving force. I'm not fully there yet.
2 comments:
Hiya, Tim!
In Contemporary Christian Thought, one of the books we've read is "Process Theology." It's using some high-falutin' academic language and made for some tough reading. But there was one concept the authors discussed that was quite insightful--the subject of Anaesthesia vs Peace. Here is my online reflection about the book and this subject:
[quote]
In reading this assignment, I was hard-pressed to sift through the profuse verbiage to arrive at a philosophized construct that actualized the real and found that the material contained within was preventational to the discovery of actualizational concresence. In other words, they wrote a lot but didn't say much.
However, I did get enjoyment out of one of the concepts toward the end of our required reading: the idea of Anesthesia vs Peace. Starting at the bottom of page 125, the authors state thusly:
"To whatever extent our lives become aligned to God's ever-changing aims for us, we can have 'that Peace, which is the harmony of the soul's activities with ideal aims that lie beyond any personal satisfaction.'
"Whitehead does not propose a method for attaining peace. He notes that 'the deliberate aim at Peace very easily passes into its bastard substitute, Anaesthesia.' (AI 368) Instead of achieving a harmony of rich harmonies, we are too likely to avoid the discords apart from which strength of beauty is not attained. 'The experience of Peace is largely beyond the control of purpose. It comes as a gift.' (AI 368.) It is the completion of the religious life."
While I've a bone or two to pick with the idea that Peace is unattainable through activities of our own, but only as a gift, I found a gnarly "Ah, HA" experience with this idea. It came to me that this is what we find in Scripture--that we are to be "in the world, but not of the world." If I ignore the pains that I suffer in this life in order to live peacefully, I'm only gaining a false peace, or, as they put it, "anaesthesia." I'm numbing myself, so as not to deal with the pains of the world. But this is anathema to Scripture. If I am in the world, I am immersed in both its joys and its pains, and I'm not to ignore them because it is only in dealing with them that I can put myself in harmony with the Holy Spirit. Once I am in harmony with the Holy Spirit, I am no longer of the world, but "of" the Holy Spirit.
That, to me, was worth dealing with overzealous edu-speak.
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---Jeff
ALL I CAN SAY IS WELCOME TO THE KIDNEY STONE CLUB, WE NEED TO START A HALL OF FAME< I GOT A NEW POST CHECK IT OUT, you are in it.
IN CHRIST,
JH
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