This is a "I'm ticked off and I have to vent steam so I can go to bed" post.
News Flash: Women really want shallow guys!
Why do I say this in anger venting steam and lump them all together? Because it makes me feel better at the moment and it's my blog so I can do that!
So here's the story that pretty much explains my whole dating (ok, nondating) life.
There is this woman that I happen to really like, and for very good reason. She has a deep faith that has sustained her through some difficult times. She is intelligent, interesting, and funny. She has a deep love for others. She actually thinks about world events, culture, and politics from a well-rounded Christian perspective (that means not religious right but actually reasonable). And she lives out her faith, willing to go wherever for the sake of the gospel.
This is the kind of woman that will catch my attention, but it's pretty difficult to see these things at a glance.
By the way, she is physically attractive, but even if she wasn't, the above things would have me sold.
But she doesn't live in the immediate vicinity, and since I am a hopeless romantic, I really don't care. I figure out a way I can see her, willing to take the time and money that takes. Why? Because of those above things which are difficult to find in a captivating personality.
I don't let her know I would take the trip just out to see her, but I would be in the area, and I ask her for a date. To get to this point, I have to be mighty impressed with you. My heart is not a fishhook that I just throw to anybody.
But this is the part that makes me want to scream. Because I have taken some time to actually look past the outer beauty to see the person inside. Because I refuse to manipulate and control and because I actually spend time trying to get to know how she thinks about things. Because I would rather spend my time serving God and being responsible and being a surrogate dad and have a life that doesn't revolve around finding hot chicks, because I try to be respectful of women, this is the response I get.
"Sorry, I think of you more as a big brother."
This is not the first time I have gotten this response. Time to just throw my heart out there and make quick judgments and hope that after its been trampled some girl will find it and heal it back or something.
It doesn't help that I have all these responses from married people like "your going to make a great husband and dad." or "I wish my sister had met you before that jerk." Yes, I have gotten those statements on more than one occasion. They are nice compliments, and I do enjoy them. Then there's the "your so good at such and such, why aren't you married yet?" which isn't so helpful.
So I love her for who she is, and it surprised me when I first realized I liked her. And I do what I usually do and tried to talk myself out of it. I couldn't. Usually I can. But I am relegated to big brother status because I actually took time to find out what she is all about and became friends in the process.
Love stinks! And women are really stupid sometimes.
And I being fair? Yes and no, and definitely no with that last comment. But she is too good for me to pass up. And while I may not be manipulative, I can be very persevering.
I hope she doesn't read this, but I don't think she's checked my blog, and if she does, well, at least you know what I see in you.
And let me add ladies, that living life by faith is about the most adventurous and interesting and unboring life you can have. So that takes care of the danger element if you see me as too mellow.
But the desire for finding a good woman and raising a good family is too strong to be called to life long singleness. I've wrestled with this. And at the moment I'm kind of ticked off at God from giving me this unfulfilled desire but that is something I will have to take up with Him, then be left beaten and humbled because He is God and I am not, and following and trusting Him anyway because He is still amazingly good to me and who else can I trust to provide?
I think there are many actually hurtful things that she could have said that would not have cut as deeply as the big brother thing.
Ok, I feel better now so maybe I can sleep. Perhaps I'll dream of women who think that having a friendship will actually be attractive and important to a romantic relationship.
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3 comments:
Who cares if she reads it? It's good to get your thoughts out in the open sometimes. Yeah... writing things like this has gotten me in trouble before, but I'd write them all over again. Write like you don't care who's reading.
About the girl thing: That sucks, and girls can be really ditsy. I sometimes believe that most girls want to stay at a 13 year old mentality forever. They want the cute, mysterious bad boy football jock. Once they realize that the "cute, mysterious bad boy football jock" is in limited supply and not much fun in long-term relationships, they will start to seek out the stable relationship guy. Keep your eyes open for such a gal who knows to brush off guys who aren't worth her time.
Sometimes dem wimmens is da bomb, but sometimes dem wimmens will gitcha kilt--tryin' ta' be cool. Yer all right, bra. At some point, some woman'll figger it out, and it'll be to your benefit.
How's THAT for a schizophrenic post?
Heh.
---Jeff
Hi Tim--just randomly popped onto your blog and feel obligated to respond since you don't have a comment from a girl (and yes, I admit we can be extremely stupid sometimes, as well as moody, shallow, and psycho. Thank God for His patience and forgiveness. We are human).
I know this is said all the time, really hard to swallow, and you probably already know it, but sometimes it's just not the right time to find "the one!" I just got back together with a guy I dated three years ago but broke up with because things just weren't right and God has been telling us every time we try to start talking again that it's not the right time--a very frustrating thing to hear--and for some reason we are back together and things are going so much smoother and more focused than they ever have. I guess I just want to encourage you not to give up or become bitter. God will awaken love when he so desires. P.S. If a girl loves you like a brother, there's a good chance she will tell her single friends about you. Or maybe someday she'll realize that your character and faith are exactly what she wants in a husband.
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