Vehicle Obituary-Goodbye Alice, I'll Miss You Until Later Today

Alice, a 1999 Subaru Legacy Outback will be laid to rest at a junkyard (or sold as a totaled out vehicle to someone who wants to fix it) soon. She was bought by me in Roseville, CA on April 29, 2003 with around 133,400 miles and ended her combustion on the side of the 45E outside of South Fulton, TN on Friday, October 6th at 10:53 PM with approx. 208,200 miles. Little did I know that Alice was a hunter, and a good one at that. She bagged a deer right off the front grill at around 65 miles/hour while keeping her passengers, Ashley and I, completely safe. She sent the doe into flight for about 30 yards. The thought process of the doe, uncovered at the scene through fake animal seance technique was something like this.

"Hmmm..The middle of this 4 lane highway just on the other side of the top of that hill. This should be a good place to find food. Wow, lights, really fast ligh... OUCH... Oh, what is this sensation? It reminds me of a song. "I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky. I dream about it every night and... Oh, that was asphalt. Oh, this hurts, it hurts a lot, internal bleeding, ouch, external bleeding. Wait, why was I singing, that silver lighted beast already killed me. Darn, I hit it too high to set off the airbags. What is that Subaru imprint doing in my ribs?"

Alice, whose thought were uncovered by even faker butter transplant reverse car hypnosis was, "Got it! Haha! And didn't even feel like more than a bump to my delightful owner. Oops, that messed up my radiator pretty bad. Oh no, I think I gave my engine a concussion. Hope his insurance is good. I have served him well."



Alice lived a good life with much mountain offroading, even getting airborne once with no complaint. She pulled a 2,000 lb. trailer from California to Tennessee without complaint. In her time with me she covered the states of California, Oregon, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Colorado, Nebraska, Kansas, Texas, Missouri, Arkansas, Illinois, Kentucky, Mississippi, North Carolina, Georgia, South Carolina, and Tennessee. She is survived by floor mats, an engine guard, a rear differential guard, a trailer hitch, and a full size alloy wheel spare. These will be transferred to the 1999 Subaru Legacy Outback with 65,500 miles I will be buying today. And I did have good insurance. Man, do Subaru's keep there retail value. The unnamed as of yet Subaru is blue, and of course is a 5 speed Manual. My rental 2006 Hyandai Accent quickly got me missing a clutch, car weight in the rain, and is entirely too cute of a car.

--Written to Creed "Human Clay", proofread to Rush "Hemispheres"

P.S. I was waiting for insurance to assess the damage before making this post. I am pleasantly surprised they totaled it out, and without subtracting the hail damage done to it last spring. I'm glad I lowered my deductible after that.