Bluecanary Presents Great Moments in Stupidity: Betty Blue Lost on the Bayou

I have an embarrassing story to tell, and one that as I start to write I'm not sure I want to. But I am reminded of this: everyone has their moments, we can learn from each other's mistakes, and it is always better to hear from the source. I give you permission to laugh, and don't worry, I have laughed about this much over the past couple of weeks.

Tuesday April 3rd, I was showing my friend Eric this really beautiful spot by the Mississippi River in the very north of Lake County, Tennessee (the very northeast corner). There is this dirt road that eventually turns into a dirt path that goes through the bottoms and comes out right in this beautiful meadow by the great river. After spending some time talking and praying about stuff going on in our lives, we notice the storm clouds coming in. It is time to head back to the main road.

On the way back out, there is an alternate path I decided to take against my better judgment. This path is a levy between the bottoms of a flood plain, and it had some rainwater on it. But I could see the grass sticking up in the middle of the road and figured my all wheel drive Subaru could handle it. It did, barely. The first puddle was a little deeper than I anticipated. So for the next road puddle, I decided to move to the right of the path so that the tires would not be as deep in the water. So I tried this, got a few feet, and the right side of the path was loose dirt. It slid, and so did my car, right into the pond. Only about a front quarter of the car is in the water, but the embankment is too steep and the mud too loose to climb back up the bank. "This is not good,” I said about 10 times as I try to get the car back up the bank. It will move about 20 ft back and forth and then just throw water. There is no traction to climb back up the embankment. I have for the first time gotten my Outback far enough outback that I can't get back out.

So I do the sensible thing and called a tow truck with off-road service. In the meantime, water starts coming into the car from the passenger seat and I notice that the car is very slowly sinking into the pond. We get out and run to some safer ground as the lightning and rain fall on us. Eric has never been in a thunderstorm before, and he is just a little frightened. I'm calm and laughing, what else are you gonna do? I don't know how long it will last and I would rather brave lightning than a flood plain. So we hike the six miles out, laughing about what happened, singing praise songs on the way (what better time to praise God) and praying. I did pray that if lightning struck anyone, it would be me, because if Eric died than his parents would kill me and there would be two of us dead. We also sang the verse "The Lord protected me from lightning" as we sang "Surely Good to Me” God did protect us. We eventually reached the road and the storm has passed over.

Right about that time the tow truck gets there. They have a tank wheeled Bobcat to go through the mud (it was dry when I went took this path in the first place). One of the tow guys asks me what kind of tires I have. I believe I told him "Michelins, why?"
"Street tires or mudding tires?" he clarifies.
"Oh, street tires."
"Good, because if it was mudding tires we ain't goin' back there."

So soaking wet, and Eric freezing at this point, we hike back the six miles to the car to show them where it is as they ride the one seater Bobcat. I did mention to Eric that I am more concerned about my CDs in the car then the car. So there are my weird priorities. They went ahead with my feeble instructions as to where it is. They eventually get to the car a little before we do, see it, and laugh, which I took as a good sign figuring that means they can pull it out. They asked if I had full coverage and told me the car was probably totaled from the water damage. They pulled it out of the pond/marsh and back to level ground, open the doors, and water pours out. By the time they got to it water was up to the dashboard and it had gotten in the engine. So now they pull the car with a chain, and I have to try to steer it over a levy road in mud with a chain that is not centered. That part scared me. The car slid every which way. We eventually get to the main road, they load it up, we here funny stories of other vehicles they have pulled out of hairier situations, of which Eric can only understand a few words with the thick Southern accent. I call my mom to meet us at the tow place and we finally get home around 11:00.

That is the story of how my own stupid decision, but I am laughing about it. There isn't much else to do because it is pretty funny, and I'd be cracking up if someone else were telling me this story. And I have a great story to tell for a while, "Remember when I drove into a pond?" But it is mostly funny because nobody got hurt. Well, Eric did get poison oak, but that may very well have happened just walking around before this whole incident. Things are replaceable even if it is inconvenient, and it reminded me to hold onto the things of this world very loosely, especially considering all the stress I was putting on myself when my car needed to be fixed. It is also humbling and gives me more grace for when others make a not so smart decision. I have learned from this experience to avoid standing water that I'm sure I can get through (I think I've learned this, I'm not sure yet), and even more so avoid the sides of a levy, and I certainly hope I never put my car, or anyone else's for that matter, into a pond again. But most of all, it reminds me that no matter what happens, it will be okay. God is God, He is in charge, and He has this knack of redeeming out stupid and bad decisions when we trust Him. Besides, all good youth ministers I know have a story like this and few others, which I will not go into at the moment to protect the guilty. This will be something Eric and I will laugh about for a long time, and I have no problem if you join in.

One last thing, I did mention to Eric before he came that he might just have a redneck experience. He did, I just didn't expect it from me.

Written to Bush "Golden State", a song from Adema "Giving In", and a song from King Missile called "The Little Sandwich That Got a Guilt Complex Because He Was the Sole Survivor of a Horrible Bus Crash”